I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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