New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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