i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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