Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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