I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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