I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Come on in and take your pants off
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