you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
