You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
