i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
