If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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