i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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