The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing