explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.