just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?