he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.