Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.