So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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I think a kid would responsible me up
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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