I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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