Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
