I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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