I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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