I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
