how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
