Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize