kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
