And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
