Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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