I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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