Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
