mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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