Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
