I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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