A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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