you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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