Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
