Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
