goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
