Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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