Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize