Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
