I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
