someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
