I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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