dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
