He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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