If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize