She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
