it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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