people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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