Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
