I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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