The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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