He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
