if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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