I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize