sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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