Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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