you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
