tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Randomize
