Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
